


A Decision Of A Lifetime

by LittleSweetCheeks



Series: If I'd Known... I never... [21]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Anger, Angst, Communication Breakdown, Did he or didn't he, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 02:43:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15378957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: They all had decisions to make, his was simple- go up or go down.





	A Decision Of A Lifetime

Spencer stared over the edge of the roof, his mind working out the odds, the math, of the distance to the ground some fifteen stories below. Gravel crunching behind him made him tense. Whoever it was, and Spencer could take a guess, didn’t speak, they just remained behind him at a distance far enough to lead him to believe they suspected what was going through his mind.

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do such a thing while away on a case.” He finally spoke into the wind.

There was another soft crunch of gravel, the person was shifting their weight but not coming closer. “Is that really supposed to make me feel better?”

Spencer didn’t answer. Instead, he leaned forward so the top half of his body was over the ledge, so he was staring straight down. “I don’t give a damn how it makes you feel.”

“If you are going to self-destruct because of me, I’d honestly rather you use dilaudid… More time for me to fix this.” There was a lapse into silence that was only broken by a pair of birds chirping. “I get that you want to punish me, to make me hurt as well.”

Ignoring him, Spencer straightened up and sat on the ledge, feet hanging over. “Nothing I do could hurt you enough. If I’d known back then that you were capable… That you were so able to simply lie to me, that it wouldn’t bother you at all to hurt me, use me. I never would have let myself fall in love with you.”

The gravel crunched as the person closed the distance. “It did bother me. I hate that I did what I did, Spencer, and I want to spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to make it up to you…”

“Like you did with Haley?”

It stopped him cold. “I love her.” He snapped without thinking.

Spencer scoffed. “Present tense.” He leaned forward. “You know, maybe I was wrong. Maybe the world needs to know that such an upstanding federal agent was using one of his own subordinates for a quick fuck whenever the urge came along.” He leaned a bit more. “Let the world see who the great and mighty Aaron Hotchner really is.” He felt that moment when his center of gravity shifted from on the ledge to out in front of it. He twisted, wanting to see the look on Aaron’s face as he vanished, but Aaron’s face was much closer than he’d expected. Strong hands gripped his arms, holding him, preventing him from descending further.

“If you go, I go, Spencer.” The younger man was heavy as dead weight, refusing to hold on. “What I did, I deserve this more than you. The world needs you.”

“Not as much as Jack needs you.”

“It’s your decision, Spencer. Does the world get us both or neither of us at all?”

He could feel himself slipping in Aaron’s hands, he could feel Aaron leaning just a bit further over the ledge to hold him. Answer decided, Spencer opened him mouth to speak…


End file.
